


The Baka Aniki's Plot

by okikagu143



Category: Kagura/Okita Sougo - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Kagura/Okita Sougo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26662372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okikagu143/pseuds/okikagu143
Summary: Umibouzu planned to marry off Kagura so that he'll have grandkids before all his hair was gone. Kagura was enraged, Sougo was involved and Kamui was suspiciously plotting something.
Relationships: Kagura/Okita Sougo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	The Baka Aniki's Plot

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama. All rights to Gorilla.

Umibouzu cannot deny it anymore. He was balding.  
Completely.  
He grasped the nearest support he could find as reality drained every ounce of his strength and pride.   
“My future grandkids will surely laugh at me.” He said with full remorse while caressing his shiny, smooth head.  
While in despair, an idea came to his mind. Said future grandkids should come forth---AS SOON AS POSSIBLE---before all his hair roots die.  
HOWEVER!  
Before grandkids, marriage is a must!  
He first thought of Kamui, being his eldest and on the ripe age to be married. He was excited. He called their spaceship and eagerly asked the receiver to put his son on the line.  
“Yo! Wassup baldy?” came Kamui’s cheerful yet mocking tone.   
“…….”  
“…….”  
“.…….”  
“Hmm?”  
”Actually, no.” Umibouzu cut off the line.  
He punched the nearest wall and it crumbled to pieces. “No! I cannot tolerate mini versions of that bastard!”  
Three strands of his hair fell and he caught it with his palm. My poor hair roots are giving up! He whimpered as he slumped to the floor.  
“No! This is not the time for crying!” He clenched his fist. “I must do something! The fate of my reputation is at stake!”  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
Kagura was furious. Her father only seldom sends a letter so she was excited that morning when she received one. However, upon reading the content, she almost brought the whole house down.  
“AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Save meeeee!!!” Gintoki’s famous high-pitched shriek echoed while seeking refuge from the rampaging Yato girl.  
“Kagura-chan!!! Please calm down!!! We have no money for the rent or the repairs yet!!!” Shinpachi cried while clinging on the couch lifted high up by Kagura.  
“Stupid Papi! Who gave him the permission to marry me off??!! How dare him!!” She threw the couch outside past the balcony along with Shinpachi and a long and loud AAAAAAHHHH!!!! followed.  
“Patsuaaaaaaan!!!!!!” Gintoki hollered, his hands outstretched dramatically.  
“GIN-CHAN!”  
“H-H-Hai??!!” He cowered at her booming voice.   
“Give me money now! I’ll search the universe and beat the crap out of that baldy!!” she demanded whilst blazing in fury.  
“B-B-B-But I spent them all in p-p-p-pachinko!” Screw being her Earth dad. His ass is gonna get lashed anytime now.   
“WHAT??!!!” She balled her fists and Gintoki knew he’s about to spend the next months in the hospital, bed-ridden.  
“C-C-Calm down Kagura!! Talk first to that shiny pudding!!” Gintoki was about to jump from the window to escape.  
“Ehh, pudding? Where?”  
The commotion stopped and the father-daughter duo both looked at the intruder standing at the entrance. “Kamui?”  
“Yo!” He greeted them with his trademark Cheshire grin while waving his hands.  
“What are you doing here? Baka Aniki?” Kagura’s annoyance intensified. She glowered at her brother.  
“Easy, easy little sis.” He said as he brushed past her casually towards Gintoki’s desk. He sat atop the table since all other furniture were knocked down. “I came here to help you. The baldy sent you a letter huh? And he will marry you off?” He laughed. “My, my. What a sudden turn of events. But don’t worry, I have the perfect plan to sabotage the baldy.” He winked and gave Kagura a thumbs up.  
“What plan?” she asked irritably but with a hint of curiosity in her tone.  
“Present someone and tell the baldy, you have already chosen a husband.” He stated confidently.  
“And who should I present? I can’t think of anyone. All men here are scum, yes? Just like Papi and Gin-chan!”   
“Heyyy!!” Gintoki whined. He was still at the window, ready to jump in case of emergency (read: a brawl between crazy Yato siblings)  
“Hmmm” Kamui rubbed his chin while in deep thought.   
Kagura places her hands in her hips and quirked a brow. “Oiiii, if you know someone whose worthy for a fair maiden such as myself, spill it out now. We don’t have all day, yes?”  
“Ah! I have someone in mind.” Kamui said with a smile on his lips and a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. “By the way…” he turned to Gintoki. “Where’s the pudding?”  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
Kamui left the Yorozuya’s office with a promise that he’ll come back shortly with the guy worthy to pretend as Kagura’s fiancé.  
Meanwhile, the Yorozuya trio, fixed the mess in their home. Kagura still emits a dangerous aura so Gintoki and Shinpachi kept their mouth shut lest they want to be knocked down like their furniture. When everything’s done, Shinpachi prepared their afternoon tea and they all settled at the living room.  
Not long after, Kamui returned with a big smile adorning his face. “I’ve got the guy!” He announced while dragging a huge sack bag with a seemingly and suspiciously, large content.  
“You sounded as if you just kidnap someone.” Gintoki lazily commented while picking his nose.  
“Well, sort of.” He threw the huge sack bag and it fell in front of the trio with a very loud thud, and did they just heard a muffled TEMEEEEE?  
“You’re really stupid! You’re a total psycho, yes? You turned us to criminals!!” Kagura screamed in frustration while pointing her fingers to her brother.  
“Kamui-san!! What have you done?!” Shinpachi scampered around the room, closing all windows and doors to avoid witnesses of the said ‘kidnapping’.  
“No worries,” Kamui opened the sack and the Yorozuya froze.   
Out came Okita Sougo, hands bound in front of him and mouth stuffed with a piece of cloth, glaring and casting death upon the indifferent grinning vermillion asshole in front of him.   
“See? He’s fine.” And he removed the cloth from Sougo’s mouth.  
“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.” Sougo cursed with gritted teeth.  
“That’s my line, and nice to meet you again, Omawari-san.” His eyes became serious as he recalled their unsettled fight in the ship. “My hands are itching to be drenched in your blood but let’s save it some other time. I want you to be Kagura’s fiancé for a day and meet the baldy.”  
It took a moment for all of them to register what he just said.  
“WHAT!” the trio plus Sougo exclaimed altogether.  
“WHY HIM?!” Kagura furiously questioned.  
“WHY ME?!” Sougo came next with the same level of fury.  
“Why not?” Kamui tilted his head and asked still with a cheery face.  
“Oi Baka Aniki! That’s not a good joke! You’re practically asking for the end of Edo!” Gintoki freaked out. Both his hands scratching and pulling his permed hair.  
“Kamui-san! It’s probably the worst plan! It’s too dangerous!” Shinpachi screeched.   
“But he’ll just have to pretend for a day. What’s the big deal? I think he’s worthy enough, am I wrong?” Kamui asked with an innocent look at his face.  
“Sure I’m worthy, but why me?” Sougo hissed dangerously, scarlet eyes burning with killing intent.  
Kamui found Sougo’s killer eyes amusing, top it up with the murderous tone of his voice. Nice. He grinned at Sougo and removed the ridiculously thick metal handcuffs in his hand. “Are you scared of the baldy, Omawari-san?”  
Sougo’s eye twitched. He usually didn’t let any provocations in his head but this damn idiot’ mocking smile was reaching the very core of his sadistic soul.  
Cue the background noises of the Yorozuya while Kamui and Sougo were staring down at each other. Most especially from Kagura who keeps on shouting why him, idiot psycho brother, bastard sadist, scummiest men of the universe, how did a Chihuahua became worthy and so on and so forth.  
At the moment Sougo’s hands were free, he immediately drew his katana and lunged at Kamui.   
“Stop it! Kamui-san! Okita-san!” Shinpachi yelled. “We just finished repairing the whole house!”  
But the two ignored him.  
Sougo swung his sword, aiming to slice his torso but Kamui stopped the blade, clasping it with both of his palms.   
“Who’s baldy?” Sougo asked as he direct more force in an attempt to free his sword from Kamui’s clasp.  
“Heh, so you were interested, after all.” Kamui chuckled.  
“Not really. Just curious to who the hell it is that you even went as far as kidnapping me.” Sougo said as he gave a roundhouse kick.  
Kamui shielded himself with his arms. “Just a retarded old geezer who likes to pry with our lives, especially Kagura’s.”  
Sougo paused. He contemplated on the baldy’s identity, and later realized who he meant. He smirked. “I get it now. Is it your old man we’re talking about?” He straightened himself and sheathed his sword.  
“Right on spot. Geez, you’ve guessed it right instantly. You’re not just strong aren’t you? Surprisingly, you have brains too!” Kamui even clapped his hand in admiration.  
“I told you, didn’t I? That you should stop looking down at Earth’s policemen.” Sougo said, his smirk turned to a proud grin.  
Kamui chuckled. “I knew I won’t be disappointed. I guess my stupid father will like you.”  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING KAMUI?! Why would you choose him of all people?? He’s a sadistic jerk, yes?! He’s not even worth the dirt in my shoe!!” Kagura angrily charged at Kamui with her fist.  
Kamui only caught her arm, swung her in midair and threw her directly to Sougo, who simply side-stepped, thus she landed face first on the floor.  
“You fuckin’ bastards!” Kagura yelled in rage while her forehead bump and nose bled. Ignoring her violent outburst, Sougo stepped on her back. “Get off me you asshat!!” Sougo grinned evilly. He looked at Kamui. “Have I told you that Earth changed your ugly sister into a gorilla-pig?”   
“What did you say?! You shit-faced?! I’ll really crush your head this time!!”  
Sougo met her glare with a stoic look. “Go on and try, miss gorilla-pig.”  
She pushed herself up and rolled over. Sougo stumbled and fell on his butt and she took the chance to kick him on the shin which he, luckily, evaded. He attacked back using his long legs. Their violent brawl, destroyed what has been repaired already. Gintoki and Shinpachi could only cry in despair.  
Kamui watched them banter and fight like stupid kids. It was the first time he witnessed them together actually. He noticed something.  
He sat on the floor and propped an elbow to rest his head as he continued to observe.  
They click.  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/

It took almost a day to convince Sougo to pretend as the fiancé. He said he’d rather fix and upgrade his bazooka than to play with them. Kamui promised him a more stylish and more powerful bazooka that can even shoot laser beams, that is, if he agrees on the plan. Apparently, the image of Hijikata’s face begging for his life as he dodged laser beams is what prompted the sadist to accept the deal. On the other hand, convincing Kagura was way easier since she got limited options left considering all men she knew are half scumbag and half idiot.   
And so they were currently in a ship en route to Umibouzu’s current residential planet.  
“Remind me again why I am here.” Sougo sigh in defeat as he rubbed his temples.  
“Because you’re a Chihuahua and a Chihuahua is supposedly a good boy who follows their master’s order, yes?!”  
“Chihuahuas do not really take orders from gorilla-pigs.”   
She punched him. He hit her in the head. Another brawl ensued.  
In one corner, a camera moved slightly to capture the scenario.   
Kamui watched them from the screen. Smiling mischievously.   
Clichéd romcom.  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
Umibouzu raised a brow at Sougo.   
Sougo raised his brow too.  
There was tension in the air.  
Umibouzu looked down at her precious daughter’s hand intertwined with this unidentified runt in front of him. His eyes twitched.   
“And you are?” He glared at Sougo.  
“Fiancé” he deadpanned.  
Silence. Tension was rising further.  
Kamui wandered elsewhere to buy food.  
“Papi! This is Chihu- - - Okita Sanjo! My soon-to-be husband!” Kagura beamed at her father.  
Sougo’s eye twitched and he stepped on her foot. She winced, “It’s Sougo, you dumbass.” He whispered. She gripped his hand so tight he struggled not to wince from the pain. He glared at her and she returned it with the same intensity.   
They were standing side by side so they’re faces were close. From other’s point of view, they look ready to kill each other, but in Umibouzu’s eyes, it was flirting, RIGHT BEFORE HIS EYES. He cleared his throat.  
“Kagura.”  
“Yes Papi?”  
“How did you meet him?”  
“In earth. He’s a tax-robber yes? He’s got money.”  
“A TAX-ROBBER??!!” Umibouzu’s eyes bulged, he almost had a heart attack.  
“She meant a policeman, father.” Sougo smirked, amused of the shock face of the universe’s strongest alien hunter.  
Baldy recomposed himself and eyed Sougo from head to foot, thrice. “I don’t think I like him, Kagura.”  
“I don’t even like your daughter.” Sougo muttered lowly and Kagura elbowed him in the gut.   
“But I have chosen him, yes?! I don’t want anybody else but him!” Kagura acted dramatically as she cling to Sougo’s arms.  
He bit back a laugh. Hearing that line from China girl was totally OOC.  
Umibouzu gritted his teeth. The annoying runt kept on smirking triumphantly. “You haven’t met the Amanto bachelor I mentioned in the letter. He has money and power. He can give justice to our Yato legacy.” He crossed his arms in his chest and stared down at Sougo. “How are you supposed to sustain our clan by having kids with a mere earthling??”  
A vein popped in Sougo’s head. Stupid Yatos, always discriminating humans. “You should not- - - “  
“Oi, baldy! You should not look down at earth’s policemen!” Kamui appeared out of nowhere hugging a huge bag filled with snacks.  
“You! What are you doing here?!” Umibouzu scowled to his son.  
“Eh? I thought this was supposed to be a family meeting? For their wedding?” said Kamui while munching on a piece of sweet bread.  
“WEDDING??!!” Kagura and Sougo chorused in tremendous shock.  
“Oh? I forgot to tell you that there was a change in plan. The purpose of this meet up is to unite you, officially.” Kamui said as he shoved a cake in his mouth.  
“WHAT!!!?” Kagura shouted. Sougo was wide-eyed and speechless.   
“NO! NOT YET!” Umibouzu shouted at Kamui’s face. “I haven’t given my blessings yet! I haven’t accepted that runt! I don’t even know if he’s worthy of my Kagura!”  
“He’s/I’m worthy!” Kamui and Sougo responded at the same time. Then they looked at each other. Then smirked at each other.   
“Baldy - - -“  
“IT’S DADDY!! NOT BALDY!!”  
“- - - I think this Omawari-san will be a great son-in-law! He seemed responsible, unlike you. I personally like him.” Kamui gave out a toothy grin and flashed a V-sign with his fingers.  
“Oi, Humpty Dumpty - - - “  
“I SAID IT’S DADD- - - NO! NOT FOR YOU!! IT’S UMIBOUZU YOU DIMWIT!!”  
“- - - as I was saying, I’m pretty confident that I’m a lot better than your prospect Amanto in-law.”  
The two youngsters were successfully igniting his rage and annoyance. To add fuel to the fire, they constantly look and smirk at each other as if affirming a job well done to infuriate the hell out of him.  
Kagura was still trying to process what was happening. “Oi Baka Aniki,” all three males paused and looked at her, “Come with me for a sec,” and she dragged Kamui who brashly pulled Sougo by the collar.   
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
“What do you mean by wedding??!!” Kagura grabbed Kamui’s collar and shook him furiously.  
“China it means we’re going to be husband and wife.” Sougo nonchalantly said with his arms crossed in his chest.  
“Fuck you! I know what it means, yes?! I mean how it came to this?!”  
Kamui despite being jiggled the crap out of him still continued to chew on his snacks. “Baldy seemed to be in a rush to see the next generation since he’s got no more hair left.”  
“What the hell!! That’s a very stupid logic, yes??!! And what happened to play-pretending for a day??!!”  
“Obviously, it backfired. Tsk. This is why I don’t want to get involved with morons.” Sougo said as he hit his head with the base of his palms.  
“Shut it Sadist! I’m the one in distress here, yes?!”  
“Easy now, little sis, you can carry on with the stupid ceremony if that’s what he wants. We’ll just have to fake everything.” The sincerity in his tone failed to convince his sister.  
“You’re acting of character, yes? Why do you bother yourself with this arrangement?” Kagura spared a serious look at his brother. Sougo silently anticipated for the answer. He too has been weirded out of their situation.  
“Nothing really,” Kamui chuckled. “Just your Baka Aniki’s duty.”  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE’S GETTING MARRIED WITH SOUICHIRO-KUN!!!”   
“K-Kamui-san! You said they’ll just pretend for a day, right??!!”  
“Baldy said he wants to have grandkids immediately.”  
“BUT IT SHOULD BE YOU FIRST BEFORE KAGURA!! AND WHY THE HELL WITH THAT SOCORRO-KUN??!!”  
“Well, he isn’t bad. I guess he looks decent, strong and capable. We’ll not have a problem.”  
“Who told you that we’ll not have a problem??!! Those two will only give birth to destruction! Kamui-san! You should stop this!!”  
“Can’t do anything about it since it is the baldy’s whim.”  
“OF ALL TIMES WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO HIM NOW!! OI!! DID HE FINALLY BEAT YOUR ASS THAT YOU SUBDUED TO HIM LIKE A DOMESTICATED BUNNY??!!”  
“Hmm, well actually, the prospect in-law bribed me with three-planet worth of luxury and supplies to help him out of this marriage crap. It’s a good deal for pirates like me. Plus, I don’t like him.”  
“HUHHHHH????”  
“E-Eh? Kamui-san, that’s it?”  
“Ah, maybe I can include you guys in the reward, too!”  
“DON’T UNDERESTIMATE US! WE WON’T FALL FOR YOUR CHEAP TRICKS!”  
“We care for Kagura-chan! We won’t sell her short!!”  
“Then what about a million yen for each of you?”  
They blinked.  
“The condition will be, no matter what there must be a wedding ceremony as proof of union. No ceremony, no reward. Paper evidence are easy to forged or so he said.”  
Gintoki and Shinpachi took their seats. They looked at each other and grinned.  
“I guess, our Kagura is in good hands after all.”  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
“Gin-chan! Shinpachi!” Kagura excitedly welcomed them in Umibouzu’s temporary shelter. “I missed you!” She hugged them, hooking each arm to each of their necks.  
“Aw! Kagura-chan! It’s been four days only!” Shinpachi said patting her head.  
“What a cheerful girl we have here! How is Sofa-kun doing?” Gintoki said as he tousled Kagura’s hair.  
“It’s Sougo, danna.” He irritatingly said as he walked towards them.  
“Right, right, Sagaki-kun. You seem fine even on a different planet.” Gintoki placed a hand atop his head earning a scowl from Sougo.  
“I’m getting confused with your real name, little runt.” Umibouzu appeared behind him.  
“Yo! It’s been a while, shiny pudding!” Gintoki slapped his head receiving a powerful punch that sent him flying.  
“Heh, shiny pudding.” Sougo mocked with a sadistic chuckle.  
“Try to call me that and you won’t see the day of your wedding.” He hissed.  
“Don’t be so mean, baldy.”   
“WHOEVER GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO CALL ME THAT?”   
“Eh? I thought I have the right now since I am going to be your son as well.” He grinned evilly.  
Umibouzu gritted his teeth furiously and balled his fist. “If not for my daughter, I would have murdered you and dispose you in space.”   
“Looks like everyone is here! Shall we start talking about the wedding?” Kamui invited them inside the shelter and they all settled in the make-shift couches.  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
The night sky on that planet is picturesque. Kagura was comfortably lying on the grass, admiring the beauty of the stars scattered around the full moon. Her companions were already asleep inside the shelter.  
After the meeting earlier, they had a feast for dinner. Of course, like what is expected, it was chaotic, it was a cycle of Papi vs Gin-chan; Gin-chan vs Shinpachi; ; Papi vs Kamui; Kamui vs Sadist; Sadist vs Gin-chan; Sadist vs Shinpachi.  
She sighed. Everything happened so fast and she cannot understand anything anymore. She was really doubtful of her brother’s intention with this play-pretend turned to fake wedding plan. She was suspicious. Even the Sadist was uneasy, she can sense it. No amount of his deadpan tone and blank expression can make her confuse. She can read him perfectly. That freakin’ Sadist.  
“Both of your families are crazy as hell.” She turned her head at the sound of his voice. He was walking towards her, hands in his pocket, his bishounen features emphasized by the moonlight. He was staring at her intensely.  
“Aren’t you the same?” she fired back, not breaking the eye contact.  
He stopped just beside her, towering over her laid form. His head was bent down, looking at her face. He chuckled. “Maybe.” He sat down close to her. “Is that why your psycho brother thinks I’m worthy for a gorilla-pig like you?”  
“Hmp. Don’t get so cocky Sadist. Remember, we are pretending, yes? Just to make Papi shut up and save his remaining hair!” she glanced back at the moon. “Plus, you’re not worthy of me! You’re just an idiot and crazy Chihuahua, yes?”  
“Don’t talk as if you’re mightier than me, gorilla-pig China brat.”  
“Don’t call me a gorilla-pig, you dickhead! Why it has to be you, anyway? There are a lot fiancé-material guys on earth, yes?”  
She huffed.  
He smirked.  
“Because China……” He turned and angled his body downwards then placed his hand next to her head, “I won’t mind.”  
Her eyes widened as she is now staring directly at his scarlet orbs. “What?”  
He leaned closer, dangerously closer. “I said I won’t mind being your fiancé.”   
Silence.  
Heat instantly crept on her cheeks and she pushed herself away from him, flailing her hands like a typical tsundere. “W-W-What the hell are you saying S-Sadist! The atmosphere here is not doing any good on your stupid brain, yes? You’re becoming OOC!!”  
He laughed at her reaction. “I knew you’d fell for that, you stupid brat!”  
Kagura was so infuriated and embarrassed that she charged at him. Sougo quickly dodged and they end up rolling on the grass, tackling each other.  
“Could you wait for the wedding first before that?”   
They both froze. Umibouzu was standing not far from them with a dark dangerous expression in his face.  
“It’s not what you think, Papi!” Although she made no move to back away from their entangled position.  
Umibouzu glared at Sougo who was underneath Kagura.  
Sougo returned the glare. His eyes mocking, exuding pride, danger and…….possessiveness?   
Umibouzu gritted his teeth as those damned eyes locked him on spot. It felt like his parental status and authority over Kagura was being challenged.   
“Get up. It’s about time I test you, little runt.”  
Sougo’s lips quirked up. He pushed aside Kagura gently and to add fuel to the fire, he tipped her chin, pulled her face closer, kissed her on the cheek and said, “Watch how I steal you from your father, my beloved.”  
And all hell broke loose that night.  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
They were all in utter shock when the first thing they saw that morning was a bloody and unconscious Sougo. Shinpachi immediately carried him inside the shelter and tended on his injuries.   
At first they thought, a bandit infiltrated the area but then they hear a commotion not from afar. Kamui and Gintoki rushed to the site only to find Kagura and Umibouzu clashing fist by fist.  
“I told you I don’t want that conceited runt!”   
“I said I only want him and nobody else!”  
Kamui and Gintoki didn’t budge. They felt that it was a moment they should leave as is. Nonetheless, they stayed and watch the scene unfold.  
“He’s not worthy! He’s incapable!”  
“You’re the one who’s incapable of accepting the fact that I have chosen him over you, Papi!”  
Umibouzu froze and received a direct hit in the face. He was thrown away by the impact. Her last hit was strong and full of anger. He looked wide-eyed at his daughter.  
Kagura stood still. Fists clenched, eyes glaring and brimming with tears. “That Chihuahua may be the most sadistic jerk ever but he never ever left my side! I don’t care if you think he’s not worthy! I don’t need someone worthy! I need an idiot who stays with me through thick and thin, just like what Mami told me!” She was not able to hold her emotions any longer and she cried and fell on her knees.  
Umibouzu felt a pain at the sight of his daughter. He was reminded of his little girl crying, begging for him not to leave her alone. “Kagura…” he walked towards her, kneeled down in front of her and patted her head, “I’m sorry…” Kagura in between sobs, embraced him and for the first time in a long time, he felt the warm and fond connection only a father and daughter has. He smiled affectionately.  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
“So you mean, this is all over?” Sougo was finally awake after five hours. He has bandages all over and was still in the bed.  
“Sadist, are you disappointed? I can’t really blame you, yes? You lost the chance to have this stunning beauty as a bride!” Kagura said smugly and crossed her arms in her chest.  
“If anything, I’m relieved. Don’t be so full of yourself, idiot pig.”  
“What the fuck did you just say??”  
“Actually, only the ceremony was cancelled. The baldy wanted to make sure you’ll be wedded so he wants you to sign these marriage certificates.” Kamui handed them two copies of the paper.  
“What the hell! Each of our plan had backfired, yes? How are we going to fake this now?”  
“Can we just fake the signature?” Sougo suggested while reading the document in his hand.  
“No need for that. As long as the records stay on this planet only, you two are free. You can go back to normal once you return to earth.”  
“But still…” Kagura trailed off as she remembered her conversation with her father.  
I’ll accept him because of you. I am not a responsible father, for sure, but I do not want to be selfish too. I want you to be happy, Kagura. I want to see you build the family you’ve always dreamed of. You see, I wanted to make sure you’ll be in good and capable hands. That’s why I pry with your life as much as you hate it.  
Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t like that little runt. But you chose him, and I trust you. Anyways, whichever race you chose to mate will surely result to adora- - - remarkable children. But if I ever learned he did something stupid, I’ll really kill him and give your hands to my original prospect in-law. Am I clear?  
And so, Kagura and Sougo signed the papers and handed them back to Kamui. “Consider this as the end of your play-pretend as well. You can go back to earth now if you want.” And he left the room.  
“Where’s Danna and Megane?” Sougo asked while wearing his coat.  
“They were outside this whole time. I’m not sure why, but they looked devastated, yes? Like they lost a chance to a million yen.”  
“Hmmm”  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/  
Kagura, Sougo, Gintoki and Shinpachi all returned to earth aboard one of Kamui’s spaceship. Gintoki and Shinpachi looked like depressed zombies much to the other two’s curiosity.  
Like what Kamui said, they returned to their normal routine, almost forgetting the crappy marriage set up in another planet. Thankfully, there was no awkward moments between the rivals.  
Until a letter from Kamui was delivered to the Yorozuyas. Kagura irritatingly opened the said letter. It was short but once again, the Yato girl almost brought the whole house down.  
Apparently, the baldy sent a copy of your signed marriage certificate on earth. Congrats, sis, you two are married on earth too.  
“KAMUIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/=/

“Oiii Danchou!! Where the hell did all these things came from?? Where are we going to stock them? I thought your deal with that shrimp Amanto was cancelled??”  
“Abuto, space pirates like us do not need stupid deals to get the reward, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading!


End file.
